Ramah Sasson Offers Permission to Grieve
I am so happy to share this reflection by Dinah Zeltser written after our most recent Ramah Sasson Weekend for families whose children have lost a parent.
Two weeks before the third anniversary of my husband’s death, I finally gave myself permission to grieve. My husband passed away in Thailand, where we were living at the time – and the next 2.5 years were a blur of settling his estate, giving my daughter a sense of normalcy, losing a parent and then my federal job. I had no time to create the space for the reflection and connection that grieving requires. I also didn’t have the opportunity to do this in a Jewish space until we moved back to the U.S. this summer. I thought I had dealt with my losses until this year when the drawn-out spectacle of losing my work, which gave me anchor and meaning, plunged me into the realization that my grieving was incomplete and was affecting my relationship with my daughter. I was impatient and snappy and was not always bringing my best self to her. This was around the time that I saw an advertisement for Ramah Sasson, a family retreat for grieving families, and decided to apply.
Up until the time we left for the airport I was unsure if I really wanted to go. Life is hard as a widowed parent newly back in the U.S. Everything rests on my shoulders and the prospect of packing, driving, flying was almost too much. Had the tickets not been purchased by the camp I might not have shown up. I’m really glad we did. From my first encounter with the Camp’s Retreat Director she was nothing but kind. She understood that we may need to travel a day early given flight times and my daughter’s age. Every communication was thoughtful and caring. I knew we were going to have a special experience when we were asked to provide pictures of our loved one for a memory walk and an item that represented our grief journey.
The weekend was transformative for my daughter and me. Through prayer and singing, walks around the lake, deep sleep, crafts and conversations with others I felt parts of my heart begin to unfreeze. I realized that the way I dealt with my grief had been to put it on hold, stonewall my heart and focus on logistics. I did what I needed to do to take care of our immediate needs and had been avoiding the hard work of processing the loss. But the body knows and the body keeps the score. Peeling away the need to always take care of others, the retreat gave me the space to begin thinking about what steps I need to take next to work through my grief. I could see that I was not alone as a widow with a young child, and saw how others are reimagining their lives. I learned about Experience Camp – a weeklong camp for children who have experienced loss and have already signed my daughter up. Most importantly, my daughter and I reset our connection – treating each other with more patience and grace. She has said I love you more often since we came back than in the past year and made friends who have experienced exactly what she has. She got to see me in a camp setting – not something she normally gets to see in her regular camp – and that was really fun for her.
Every aspect of the experience was thought through by the staff and volunteers – who were incredibly kind and caring. I am incredibly grateful to Camp Ramah for the experience and when I asked my daughter if she would like to go again next year – the answer was a resounding heck yes!
Email Riki Wiederhorn or use this link to learn more about Ramah Sasson’s transformative experiences.